When Words Fail Us, Navigating Social Threat
Ever found yourself at a complete loss for words in the middle of a tricky conversation? Or walked away from an interaction, only to think of the perfect response hours later? Let’s talk about social threat…
I had a conversation recently with a client who was struggling to digest an experience she recently had with her mother-in-law. What we talked about is something so many of us run into—whether it’s a complicated mother-in-law, a challenging family dynamic, or any other relationship where things feel… off.
One of the reasons that can happen is because our nervous systems don’t just react to physical threats—they also respond to social threat. If you’ve ever found yourself frozen, fuming, or at a loss for words in a tricky conversation, there’s a reason. And there’s also a way to work with it.
What Is Social Threat? And Why Does It Trigger Us?
We typically recognize how our bodies respond to physical threats—our fight-flight-fawn-freeze response kicks in to protect us. But social threat—things like criticism, judgement, or passive-aggressive remarks—can activate the same physiological reactions.
Despite this, we live in a culture that often minimizes social threats. We hear things like:
- “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”
- “Just let it go. Don’t be so sensitive.”
- “I was just kidding!”
But words do have power—especially when they carry hidden social threat. And if we grew up in a family system shaped by emotional immaturity, we likely encountered the kind of deny, dismiss, distort communication that can leave us questioning our own reality.
Social Threat in Everyday Interactions
Social threat can show up in many ways:
- A passive-aggressive comment disguised as a joke
- Unspoken expectations that make you feel like you can’t win
- Plausible deniability, where someone delivers a hurtful message just vaguely enough to claim, “I didn’t mean it that way”
These moments can leave us freezing up, fuming inside, or second-guessing ourselves because our nervous system is responding to a threat that it feels, even if it’s not physically visible.
The Role of Remothering in Tricky Conversations
So what do we do in these moments?
We may not be able to control how others behave, but we can learn to support our own system when social threat happens. That’s where remothering comes in.
When we recognize the moment for what it is—noticing that we’re responding to social threat—we create an opportunity for a remothering moment.
💡 Try this:
When you feel that whoosh of frustration, confusion, or shutdown…
👉 Pause and name what’s happening: “Oh, my system sees this as a threat.”
👉 Offer reassurance: “I see why this is hard. I’ve got me.”
These small moments of self-awareness and self-compassion are what help rewire our nervous system, bringing more ease into tricky conversations over time.
Watch: A Quick Insight on Social Threat & Remothering
🎥 I recorded a short video explaining this further—why tricky conversations can throw us off, how social threat triggers us, and what we can do about it.
If you’ve ever felt caught off guard in a tricky conversation, I hope this offers a little insight—or, at the very least, a moment of knowing that you are not alone in this.
Final Thoughts: Rewiring for More Ease in Conversations
Navigating social threat is a process, but understanding what’s happening is the first step.
We don’t have to stay wired for vigilance. We can rewire for inner peace—one remothering moment at a time.
If this resonated with you, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments or invite you to explore more remothering resources below.
Explore More Remothering Resources
📖 Read: The Remothering Roadmap – A guide to the six essential steps of remothering.
🎧 Watch: Understanding Emotional Immaturity
💡 Work With Me 1:1: Ready for deeper, personalized support? Explore the Remothering Foundations: Self-Alignment Intensive.
