What were you thinking tree?
The tree isn’t in self-blame, why are we?
If the tree isn’t spiraling into regret… why do we?
Depending on our personal histories, it actually makes so much sense that we look inwards to see what we could do better or differently.
If our adults hadn’t yet done their work, and they didn’t have the capacity to hold complicated things with us, then when life was lifing (as it does), we were on our own. Even as children.
And, figuring out how it was our fault would have been the developmentally wise thing to do as children, because it’ gives us a sense that we have some agency.
Which would have meant for our younger selves that the future didn’t have to feel terrifying because if it was our fault then if we figure “it” out, whatever “it” may be, then it’d be ‘smooth sailing forevermore’.
For people that won the womb-lottery, they learned something different. They learned that:
LIFE LIFES
And when it does, they learned that they have someone that can walk beside them. They learned about support through hard things, how to surf complicated feelings, that they are loved even when not perfect, and so much more.
For the rest of us, we learn these skills as adults.
Thankfully, neuroplasticity is on our side. And thankfully, thanks to developments in neuroscience, psychology, and communication there are tools we can lean into!!!
—
May the harmony we are each learning to cultivate between our own two ears ripple out into the world in positive and meaningful ways.
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