Am I Being Too Hard on Myself? (And How to Tell…)
Have you ever found yourself caught in an intense loop of self-questioning?
- Am I being too hard on myself?
- Am I letting myself off the hook?
- Should I be doing more?
That inner tug-of-war between grace and self-expectation can be exhausting.
Why We Fall Into This Pattern
If you can relate to this, you’re not alone. Many of us—especially those who grew up in environments where our sense of worth (even if we didn’t call it that) was tied to things like achievement, reflecting well, or taking care of others—develop an inner pressure that becomes part of the water we swim in.
On the one hand, this can be a strength. It means we’re capable, determined, and reliable. But on the other hand, when there’s not a lot of permission to just be… that relentless, subconscious striving to feel secure and worthy of connection can leave us feeling drained and disconnected from ourselves—sometimes without even realizing why.
So how do we recognize when we’re being too hard on ourselves?
How to Know If You’re Being Too Hard on Yourself
A helpful way to check in is to ask:
👉 Am I moving forward because I genuinely want to? Or because I feel like I have to?
If your self-expectations feel heavy, urgent, or guilt-driven, it may be a sign that pressure, rather than aligned effort, is running the show.
A Simple Gut-Check: Pushing vs. Pressuring
Healthy growth requires aligned effort—but effort isn’t the same as pressure.
- Aligned effort feels like expansion. It might be challenging, but it aligns with something we want for ourselves.
- Pressure feels like contraction. It’s often driven by fear, guilt, or the belief that we must earn our worth.
How to Ease the Inner Pressure: A Remothering Moment
If you’re feeling the weight of self-expectation, and that doesn’t feel like aligned effort but rather like pressure—then your answer is: yes, you are likely being too hard on yourself.
So how do we ease that inner pressure? Try this remothering moment:
- Pause. Recognize that the pressure is there.
- Curiously Ask Yourself: Am I being too hard on myself?
- Validate. “It makes sense that I feel this way.”
- Connect Within. Offer yourself the warmth, understanding, and kindness you’d extend to a dear friend. Let yourself feel the steadiness of your own care, knowing you’ve got you.
Recognizing when to push and when to soften is a skill we can nurture—one remothering moment at a time.
Final Thoughts
We don’t have to stay locked in a cycle of self-pressure. With awareness and small shifts, we can move toward greater ease, self-compassion, and clarity—without losing the strengths that drive us.
✨ What’s sparking for you from this post? Let me know in the comments.
Related Articles
- Ever get caught in the vortex of harsh self-talk?
Ever find yourself spiraling into harsh self-talk? Here are two techniques to bring clarity, calm, and grounded focus. - Quieting Harsh Self-Talk and Inner Task-Managers
Ever struggle with harsh self-talk? What about guilt for taking downtime? In this article we explore how these internal voices form, and more importantly, practical steps to quiet them
Additional Resources for the Remothering Journey
Stormy Mental Chatter?
Free mini-course: Liberate Your Inner Dialogue , click here to learn more and to enroll
On the Blog
📰 Join the reMothering.org newsletter for free resources.
🎯 Explore The Center for Remothering for personalized support.
