Feeling Unsettled or Confused After Family Interactions?
Why Feeling Off Can Be a Sign of Growth
Ever feel unsettled or confused after an interaction with a hard-for-you person?
As we move deeper into December, many of us find ourselves surrounded by extended family, familiar traditions, and maybe even bumping into childhood friends.
For some, these gatherings are warm and nostalgic (and if that’s you, I’m truly happy for you!). But for many of us, the holidays can bring a mix of emotions—familiar yet oddly disorienting—especially when we begin noticing patterns we hadn’t fully seen before.
If you’ve ever walked away from a holiday conversation feeling unsettled or off-balance, take heart. That sense of confusion isn’t a setback. It’s often a sign that you’re healing, shedding outdated patterns, and stepping toward a deeper, more authentic alignment with yourself.
Why Holiday Interactions Can Feel Confusing
When we are young, and dependent on our caregivers for everything, it’s natural to do mental gymnastics to make sense of the way our caregivers are or are not showing up. And, those adaptive-strategies grow into behavior patterns. For example, we may take on roles like fixers, pleasers, or high-achievers performing for worth.
So what happens when we’ve leaned into enough remothering moments that our inner young ones realize that we are adults now and we’ve got them?
We might experience moments of emotional safety so stable that they allow us to see old dynamics with new clarity. And while this new perspective is ultimately positive, it can feel strange—like suddenly noticing the subtle background noise you never heard before. Think of it as taking off your “history-colored glasses.”
The Impact of “History-Colored Glasses”
When we begin to see things as they are, rather than through the tinted lenses of our history-colored glasses, that can feel disorienting and bring up confusion and self-doubt.
But here’s the heartening part: taking a look at familiar dynamics with fresh eyes is a positive sign. It means you’re stepping into new emotional territory, no longer trapped in old reflexive patterns.
A Remothering Moment for Holiday Confusion
So what can you do if you find yourself feeling untethered or confused as old patterns come into sharper focus? Consider leaning in for a Remothering Moment:
- Pause and Acknowledge: Take a breath. Place a hand on your heart or belly and say to yourself, “Of course I’m feeling this way. I’ve opened the aperture of what I’m seeing, and it paints a different picture.”
- Consult Your Wise Inner Council: Imagine the many parts of you that hold unique wisdom—your “Wise Inner Council.” Ask from you to you “What do you need right now?”, or “How can I support myself as I observe these old patterns through my adult eyes?”
Thriving Forward in Self-Alignment
As you encounter these subtle shifts and old patterns coming into sharper focus, I hope it offers you some comfort to remember that feeling disoriented can be a sign that you have enough inner-safety online to be curious. When your inner harmony is strong enough to let you gently question those old, reflexive patterns, it’s a good sign you’re moving closer to thriving-forward in greater self-alignment.
Wishing you warmth, clarity, and gentle understanding as you navigate the holidays. May the harmony we’re each cultivating between our own two ears ripple out into the world in positive, meaningful ways.
From my heart to yours.
your guide, coach, and fellow traveler on the remothering journey,
Simona
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