May: Love it, dread it… or feel both?
When Mother’s Day brings more complexity than celebration
Mother’s Day and complicated emotions
Eons ago, when I was a kid learning about the calendar in school, I remember the cheerful rhyme:
“April showers bring May flowers.”
Where I live, May really is beautiful. Blue skies. Low humidity. Warm but not yet hot. The flowers are starting to bloom. There’s a lot to love about this time of year.
And also…
For many parts of the world, including where I live, the month of May brings us Mother’s Day.
And for many of us, that means emotional complexity.
Tenderness. Grief. Guilt. Longing. Sometimes even anger—or a strange flatness that’s hard to name.
If you have a nourishing, supportive relationship with your mom, this piece might not land. And if that’s true for you, I’m genuinely glad. But…
~ for those who grew up with an emotionally immature parent,
~ for those who’ve done the heavy lifting in the relationship,
~ for those navigating low contact, no contact, or something in-between,
~ and for those whose mothers are no longer living but whose adaptations live on inside—
I want to offer two things:
Accompaniment, and hope.
Accompaniment: You’re Not Walking Alone
While each of us walks a unique path, we don’t walk it alone.
If Mother’s Day stirs complicated emotions, you’re not the only one. There’s a reason. And, there’s something that can be done.
Those seemingly small moments of remothering—when you speak to yourself kindly, choose to rest without guilt, or pause to check in with your needs—may not look like much from the outside. But layer by layer, they build something real and lasting:
- More inner steadiness
- A growing sense of trust in yourself
- A relationship between your own two ears that feels like relief instead of tension
These are the treasures of the remothering journey. It doesn’t mean life becomes a smooth, sparkly “happily ever after.” But it does mean your lived experience can shift.
Like realizing you’ve been wearing a weighted vest—and discovering you have the option to take it off.
What might shift for you, if you no longer had to walk into difficult conversations, or into the harder moments of life, wearing that weighted vest?
Hope: A Glimpse of Something Different
Yesterday, I was out running my Saturday errands.
I wasn’t doing anything fancy—just the regular to-do list of groceries and garden things. But then I noticed something:
Quiet.
Peace.
Kindness and harmony between my own two ears.
Years ago, this time of year would’ve stirred up so much mental chatter.
Guilt.
“Shoulds.”
Conflicted feelings about what it means to be a good daughter… or a good mother… or both.
If you had asked an earlier version of me, I would’ve told you that people who had that kind of internal quiet must’ve just been lucky. Maybe they’d won the womb lottery. Or had a trust fund. Or some other version of ‘they don’t get it’.
So if the idea ease and inner-quiet feels far away—or even eye-roll-inducing—there’s a version of me that’s right there with you.
But, if it feels aligned today, here’s my invitation:
🌿 Take a moment to honor your inner mother.
Not out of obligation. Not because of a Hallmark holiday. But because taking time to connect within with harmony is as an act of love—for you, and for the people you care about most.
That kind of tending may not look like much to the outside world. But inside? It’s powerful. It’s how we turn May: love it, dread it, or feel both? into something softer, more sovereign, and more spacious.
Here’s to less guilt. More grace. And the quiet revolution of choosing yourself with love.
Related Articles
- Weaponized Guilt vs. Aligned Guilt: How to Tell the Difference
- Am I Being Too Hard on Myself? (And How to Tell…)
- Ever get caught in the vortex of harsh self-talk?
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