Setting Boundaries That Stick

a conversation with Juliane Taylor Shore

Ever wonder why boundaries can feel hard, even when it seems like we “should” know what to do or say?

Thankfully, boundaries have become a hot topic in recent years, which means there are more resources available to us now that there used to be.  The and/also of that is that knowing what to say doesn’t change our implicit beliefs about boundaries. 

If our minds still associate boundaries with selfishness or negativity, merely knowing what to say falls short.  In this in-depth conversation, I sit down with Juliane Taylor Shore (Jules) to dig into the neuroscience underlying our ability to set boundaries. 

What I love about Jules’ work in this world is the way she weaves in neuroscience to explain why we do what we do so that there’s not a heaping pile of shame on top of hard boundary situations.  Then, once we understand the “of course-ness” of why we are feeling the way we do, Jules offers a roadmap for finding our own unique path to establish and maintain boundaries with integrity and kindness.

In our conversation, Jules and I talk about her new book, Setting Boundaries that Stick, how neurobiology can help you rewire your brain to feel safe, connected, and empowered. We also cover:

• The neuroscience underneath our ability to set boundaries
• What is implicit memory, and why does it impact boundary-setting
• How “don’t be selfish” programming can show up when we go to set boundaries
• The difference between a direct request and setting a boundary
• Steps to setting a boundary
• Exploring the mentalization neural network
• Maintaining integrity in difficult conversations
• Our brains on self-judgement
• Bonus conversation:  our brains are our body’s captive audience (a brief look at nervous systems)

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