Taming the Emotional Bull
How Remothering Helps Us Recover from Life’s Whooshes
Plus, the 18-second video of me riding a mechanical bull
Ever had an unexpected moment bring up feelings from your past? I found myself in one of those last weekend. What started as a fun, lighthearted activity with my daughter turned into a powerful remothering moment that reminded me of the importance of being present with ourselves, especially when old feelings resurface.
In this article, we’ll dive into how these “whooshes” from our past can catch us off guard, and how remothering builds the emotional resilience we need to bounce back and turn these moments into opportunities for deeper connection and growth.
The Mechanical Bull Moment
Last weekend, my young adult daughter and I were checking out the cobblestoned streets of the distillery district in Toronto when we unexpectedly stumbled upon a mechanical bull.
My younger-self was delighted! When I was little, my grandfather would take my brother to the sweat-baths—a European-style, men’s only gym, and I’d hear tales of the mechanical bull that was there. I was both jealous and frustrated that I wasn’t allowed to try it out. So, when I saw this mechanical bull, I was all in!
My first attempt? A total fail. I slid off the dang thing in 2-seconds flat. (Here’s the 18-second clip of me vs the bull)
The operator asked if I wanted another go at it. Taking what I learned from my first ride, I managed to stay on for 28 seconds the second time around. Triumph. My daughter and I were having a good laugh about the whole thing afterward, but I also noticed a part of me feeling some unexpected emotions.
The Remothering Moment
As I share this next part of the story, I’d like you to picture me as a little kid, not the grown woman I am today. Because that’s who was temporarily at the ‘control panel’ of my mind—imagine the movie Inside Out for a visual reference.
My daughter had taken a video of my first attempt, but not the second. And I noticed a moment where my young self—the little version of me who grew up feeling like she had to earn love by doing for others and by performing-for-worth—felt defensive.
And here’s the thing: there is an of-course-ness to little me’s reaction. Of course she felt the woosh of feelings and the reflexive responses that came along with them. But what’s cool is that I was able to be there for her. I was able to accompany her in that fear-whoosh. She felt seen, safe, and loved.
Why This Matters
It’s so human to be overcome by a whoosh from our past.
When we can be there for ourselves in those moments, we can recover more quickly and return to the present, enjoying the moment for what it is. In my case, that meant being able to share the inner monologue with my daughter, allowing us both to learn from it. This created a more connected and authentic moment between us.
Journal Prompts
- What kinds of situations tend to trigger your defensiveness?
- When you feel defensive, what thoughts, emotions, or behaviors typically arise within you?
- How might your relationships or daily experiences improve if you could recover more quickly from those oh-so-human emotional whooshes?
- What are your favorite tools to reach for to reclaim your balance during those moments when life feels off-kilter?
I’d love to hear your insights and experiences—feel free to post a comment, or email me directly at hello [at] remothering [dot] org. Your stories are a vital part of our community’s shared wisdom.
Resources for Navigating the Whooshes
Additional Articles
- What is Remothering?
- The Remothering Roadmap (the step-by-step process for how to remother ourselves)
- Implicit Memory: How Our Brain “Knows” a Thing (the secret to understanding why we react the way we do)
- Parenting Emerging Adults: individuation and uncertainty (Surfing our own uncomfortable feelings as we accompany other adults, including our emerging adult children, with theirs)
