Emotionally hijacked?
: Tales of a recovering good daughter
Have you ever found yourself emotionally hijacked by something that seemed small… but landed somewhere deep?
This story originally appeared in the Center for Remothering newsletter. I’m sharing it here in case it finds you at just the right time...
It wasn’t about the win—but it still stung
Recently, during a professional trainings, we were invited to create a short video—under two minutes—as part of a friendly challenge. It might sound straight-forward, but sometimes assignments like that feel stretchy for me.
When they announced the winner, the feedback was: “No one in this cohort managed to stay under two minutes”.
Except… I did!
It wasn’t about winning. But that statement left a sting. I had the immediate urge to set the record straight. And beneath that? A younger part of me was navigating an emotional stew.
That’s the tender spot this month’s reflection is circling around—the deep, human longing to be seen and known. And the emotional stew that follows when we don’t feel that way? It’s so real.
For many of us, it’s not just about the moment.
It’s the echo of what’s come before.
When that kind of moment hits—a comment, a misunderstanding, a feeling of being overlooked—it can stir up more than what’s visible on the surface. And, that can lead to finding ourselves emotionally hijacked That’s when a remothering moment can be so powerful. Something as simple as pausing and saying to yourself:
“Of course that landed hard. That younger part of me just wanted to be seen.”
And while yes, depending on our personal history, even though that kind of moment can stir complicated grief for our younger one’s longing—sweet inner community member, we all want that—nevertheless, a remothering moment really can offer relief.
Here’s why:
Being there for ourselves sends soothing neurochemicals that support us in staying anchored in the present, instead of spiraling into old strategies (like shutting down or overexplaining, for example).
And from that anchored place, we’re more likely to access clarity—about what we’re feeling, what we need, and how we want to move forward.
p.s. So what happens when saying “of course” isn’t enough?
After I shared this story in the newsletter, one of our community members reached out with a powerful question:
“What do we do when saying ‘of course’ doesn’t feel like enough? “
I have a few answers to that question, but first, I just want to name how valid that is. Some moments stir something so deep—frustration, indignation, grief, anger, sadness, etc —that saying “of course” doesn’t feel like enough.
I also want to name that saying “of course” doesn’t mean we think it’s ok. What we’re doing is offering our younger parts some compassionate presence and accompaniment—so they don’t feel so alone in tackling the situation, and so they don’t feel like they have to grab for the metaphorical steering wheel.
That way, our wisest parts can stay at the helm and help us discern the options and best next step for the path forward given the situation.
If this kind of moment tends to hijack you into rumination or self-doubt, you might appreciate this blog post: Ever get caught in the vortex of harsh self-talk?
Or this short YouTube video where I share a gentle technique to redirect your mind before it spirals. Watch here
And/also… this is the work.
Our inner community members hold a lot of information. But, sometimes they don’t know one another yet—so it can feel like each one is trying to manage life on their own. But they don’t have to anymore. That’s what the remothering journey is about: building inner collaboration and earned trust.
It doesn’t mean life will become smooth-sailing forevermore. But it does mean we can work with our neurobiology instead of against it. It means we can steady ourselves so we can decide next steps from a place of wisdom. And it means we can offer our inner community support so they don’t have to rely on protective strategies created in a time when they had fewer resources and options.
If you’d like to go deeper, I invite you to explore the resources at CenterForRemothering.com/happenings. You’ll find events, tools, and my free mini-course: Liberate Your Inner Dialogue.
on the blog
- Wrestle with Harsh Self-Talk? Check out:
> Quieting Harsh Self-Talk and Inner Task-Managers
> 5 After-Effects of Emotionally Immature Parenting (for adult children of emotionally immature parents) - More tales from the journey:
> Taming the Emotional Bull
> When Small Moments Stir Big Feelings: Navigating Holiday Emotions
> Parenting Emerging Adults: individuation and uncertainty (for cycle-breaking parents of older teens and young adults)
