Remothering as we Mother
Relief + Self-Alignment: transforming generational patterns for ourselves and the next generation
When she first reached out to me, Marie (not her real name) was seeking relief. Relief from the constant churning in her mind. Relief from the immense guilt that weighed her down. A part of her knew that she wasn’t her mother’s mother, but so much of her felt a deep sense of responsibility. And, she was exhausted by the repeating patterns in their relational dance.
Guilt and “Shoulding”
Marie would muster up the “should”—telling herself that she and her family ought to spend time with her mother. But inevitably, her mother would say or do something hurtful to her or her family. Marie would then speak up, attempting to set a boundary, only to be consumed by guilt afterward. When she tried to have a conversation with her mother about these issues, her mother would play the victim. This would tap into Marie’s deep-seated sense of responsibility to protect her mother, leaving her unable to find the right words to have a clear, honest conversation and truly be heard.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Marie’s story is one I’ve heard many times in different forms. As adult daughters of emotionally immature mothers, we often find ourselves caught in these exhausting cycles—trying to balance our own needs with the expectations and reactions of our mothers. And when we’re also mothers ourselves, these dynamics can spill over into what we model for our children.
While we may consciously aim to parent differently than we were parented, we can inadvertently pass on some of our unresolved material to the next generation. If you’re reading this and cringing, I want to assure you that you’re not alone. Many of us are in the same boat, and fortunately, neuroplasticity is on our side. That’s actually the reason I’ve started writing a new series of articles on remothering as we mother. Not all of us in the remothering community are mothers, but for those who are, this work we are doing to cultivate harmony between our own two ears, can have a positive and meaningful ripple effect on our children.
Breaking Free from Generational Patterns
Through our work together, Marie embarked on a remothering journey that transformed not only her relationship with her mother but also how she showed up as a mother herself. Her journey took her from seeking relief to finding self-alignment.
Marie describes her experience:
“Working with Simona on my remothering journey has been nothing short of transformational. When I first began this process, I was searching for relief—from the mental chatter, the constant internal dialogue with my mother, and the weight of external expectations. What I found with Simona’s guidance was so much more.”
Establishing Boundaries and Reclaiming Self-Worth
“Simona created a space where I could safely explore my deepest emotions, break old patterns, and re-establish boundaries that honor who I am. Her compassionate, clear-sighted approach helped me see relationships with new clarity, and more importantly, helped me see myself differently. I went from trying to prove my worth to others, to knowing and trusting my worth from the inside out.”
By nurturing herself and addressing her own unmet needs, Marie began to dissolve the guilt and “shoulds” that had long dictated her actions. She learned to set healthy boundaries without being consumed by guilt, allowing her to interact with her mother from a place of strength and self-assurance.
Transforming Cycles
“Through her expert coaching, I learned not only how to manage challenging dynamics with my mother but also how to show up more fully in my professional life and my role as a mother. Simona’s support helped me break free from the ‘good daughter’ conditioning and embrace my own voice and truth. She taught me how to lead with grace, set boundaries without guilt, and navigate life’s challenges with a greater sense of self-assurance and calm.”
As Marie healed, she noticed a profound shift in how she related to her own children. No longer burdened by unresolved emotions and patterns from her past, she could be more present, compassionate, and authentic with them. She began modeling the emotional maturity and self-trust she had cultivated within herself.
Beyond her personal life, Marie’s professional success also soared. Already a highly accomplished professional, she found that releasing the internal barriers related to her mother enabled her to step into her career with renewed confidence and clarity…plus a well-deserved raise!
The Ripple Effect on the Next Generation
“This work has truly changed me from the inside out, and I can see the ripple effects in all areas of my life, especially in how I parent my own daughters. I’m now living with a deep sense of trust in myself, and that is a gift I’ll carry forward forever.”
“This work has truly changed me from the inside out, and I can see the ripple effects in all areas of my life, especially in how I parent my own daughters”
Marie’s transformation highlights the powerful impact that remothering can have—not just on ourselves but on our families as well. By healing our own wounds, we break the cycle of passing down unresolved material to our children. We create a new legacy of emotional health and resilience.
Reflecting on Remothering as we Mother
One of the powerful aspects of community is knowing that though we each walk our own unique journeys, we aren’t alone on the path. As you reflect on Marie’s story, what sparked for you? What’s feeling important?
Can you identify any generational patterns that you’d like to transform?
Resources for Remothering as we Mother
Remothering as we mother offers a path to transform generational patterns, cultivate inner harmony, and foster deeper connections with our children.
If Marie’s story resonates with you, I’d like to invite you to join us at one of our upcoming workshops.
- November: 3 Anchors to Navigating Uncertainty with Steadiness & Connection
How do we balance offering guidance with stepping back? And how do we navigate our own doubts while trusting our emerging adult’s journey? In this mini-workshop, we’ll explore practical strategies that transform these challenges into opportunities for deeper connection and growth—for both you and your emerging adult. More details about this workshop provided below - December: Breaking Generational Cycles
Break Generational Cycles as your Emerging Adult Forges their Own Path - If you are reading this after the event dates, please visit the Upcoming Workshops page to see what’s happening next.
- Looking for personalized support to transform cycles of parent-doubt and guilt into clarity, empowerment, and connection? Sign up for a free 35-minute Empowered Parenting Strategy Session here.
Resources for Remothering
New to Remothering? Check out:
- What is Remothering (2-minute read)
- The Remothering Roadmap (4-minute read)
- Remothering Foundations (12-minute read)
