Ever get caught in the vortex of harsh self-talk?
Harsh Self-Talk: Why It Happens and How to Navigate It
Ever find yourself spiraling into harsh self-talk? It’s such a common challenge—our internal dialogue, the conversations happening between our own two ears, can sometimes feel relentless. And even though these messages are from us, to us, our brains and nervous systems still respond as if we’re under attack.
In these moments, our system often shifts into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze states, making it harder to access the parts of our brain that help us think clearly, steady our emotions, or connect meaningfully with others.
Instead, we can get caught in our well-worn reactive patterns. For example, over-functioning, doing more, fixing, pleasing, overthinking, explaining. Or it could send us into a shame spiral. Or it could send us into those mental chatter conversations where we’re replaying interactions in our heads. Desperately trying to state our case, or feel understood, or make sense of what just happened.
So, how do we interrupt this vortex and carve out space for clarity and calm?
The Power of Two Simple Words
One gentle way to shift out of the storm is by leaning into two small but mighty words: OF COURSE.
By pausing and acknowledging the “of course-ness” of what you’re feeling, for example—“Of course I feel this way, given my history”—you signal safety to your brain. These self-validating words send soothing neurochemicals that often soften the stress response, creating just enough space to reconnect with your inner wisdom.
When “Of Course” Isn’t Enough
For those times when “of course” doesn’t cut it to lift you out of the vortex, there’s another technique: The List & Categorize Technique. This straight-forward practice engages your prefrontal cortex, guiding your internal community (between your own two ears) to work together rather than against each other.
How to Use The List & Categorize Technique
- Start Listing:
Pick a broad category (trees, flowers, books, music—anything). Begin listing items in that category, either silently or on paper. - Categorize Your List:
Group items into smaller sets—flowers that bloom in summer, different movie genres, etc. - Notice the Shift:
By directing your mind toward a focused, grounded activity, you help your inner dialogue find a more cooperative rhythm
👉 Watch the Video: “Ever Get Caught in the Vortex of Harsh Self-Talk?”
Why It Works
Both the “Of Course” acknowledgment and the “List & Categorize Technique” help shift your system out of reactivity and toward calm-steady. Instead of battling your thoughts, you’re inviting them to collaborate towards a common goal, which paves the way for more spaciousness and greater clarity.
Navigating Your Inner World with Kindness
It’s not about silencing all harsh thoughts forever—that would be unrealistic. Rather, it’s about meeting those moments with the kind of heart-led guidance we would offer to a small child. Over time, these small shifts add up to greater harmony between our own two ears.
May the harmony we are each learning to cultivate between our own two ears ripple out into the world in positive and meaningful ways.
from my heart to yours,
Simona
Additional Resources for the Remothering Journey
Stormy Mental Chatter?
- Free mini-course: Liberate Your Inner Dialogue , click here to learn more and to enroll
What Is Remothering?
Articles for Hard Holiday Scenarios
- Feeling Unsettled or Confused After Family Interactions?
Why feeling off can be a sign of growth, read it here - When Small Moments Stir Big Feelings
Navigating Holiday Emotions, read it here - Transforming Holiday Guilt
“Bottom Drawer” Encounters, read it here
