Belonging and Becoming
On Belonging and Becoming: Lessons from Women Who Run With the Wolves
A companion and wayfinder for when we seek not just where we fit, but we are called to journey to where we deeply belong
The longer nights of winter often bring a quiet invitation: to reflect, to reassess, and to reconnect with what truly matters. For many of us, that includes revisiting our sense of belonging—not just where we fit, but where we feel whole.
This idea of belonging and becoming has been on my mind lately, sparked by a passage from Women Who Run With the Wolves by Clarissa Pinkola Estés, PhD. During some cozy couch-time over the holidays, I came across a line that stopped me in my tracks:
“we can begin to assess whether our own internal mother… sustains our unique qualities or whether it needs a long-overdue adjustment.”
Clarissa Pinkola Estés in Women Who Run with The Wolves, page 173
This passage appears in her chapter “Finding One’s Pack: Belonging as a Blessing.”
The Universal Yearning for Belonging
What struck me is how Dr. Estés draws on the story of the Ugly Duckling to illuminate the concepts in this chapter. As she points out, the tale of the Ugly Duckling predates modern psychology, yet it captures a truth that feels timeless: the deep human desire to find one’s place and be seen for who we truly are.
For many of us, this yearning isn’t just about finding external connections; it’s about reconciling an inner disconnect. So often, we adapt to environments that don’t quite fit, shaping ourselves to meet external expectations. We learn to dim certain parts of ourselves or contort our essence to belong where we don’t feel fully seen.
But the Ugly Duckling reminds us that belonging isn’t about fitting in—it’s about finding spaces (and people) that nourish and celebrate our authentic nature.
Reassessing the Internal Mother
Dr. Estés invites us to reflect on the “internal mother complex”—the beliefs and patterns we’ve internalized from early caregiving relationships, often without realizing it. This isn’t about blaming or idealizing the past; it’s about asking:
Does this internalized voice sustain our unique qualities, or does it need a long-overdue adjustment?
That question is an essential facet of the remothering journey. It’s an invitation to honor our essence and gently release the scripts that no longer serve us. Through this process, we can step into deeper alignment with who we truly are—not simply who we learned to be as children, just to navigate our early years.
Belonging as a Process of Becoming
Belonging, as Dr. Estés and the Ugly Duckling remind us, isn’t a destination. It’s a process of becoming—of uncovering and nurturing the parts of ourselves we may have tucked away. It’s about finding spaces—both within and around us—where we feel seen, celebrated, and whole.
As we peel back the layers of who we were conditioned to be, we move closer to the essence of who we’ve always been.
How do we get there? One path is the remothering work. As we learn to (and practice) turning within for the nurturance, wise counsel, belonging, acceptance, love, and all of the other mother qualities we humans naturally seek and may or may not have had modeled for us as we were growing up, we begin to create a sense of home within.
It’s not about becoming someone new; it’s about rediscovering the core of who we are.
A Remothering Invitation
As you reflect on your own journey of belonging and becoming, consider these questions:
- What invisible rules or scripts might no longer serve you?
- What nourishes your authentic nature?
If you don’t have the answers yet, that’s okay. Discovering them is part of the unfolding process of becoming who you truly are.
If you feel called to explore these questions more deeply, I’d be honored to walk alongside you. Together, we can uncover the answers that align with your unique path. You can learn more about booking a 90-minute Remothering Foundations: Self-Alignment Intensive session here.
Extending Belonging to Ourselves
Many of us excel at reading the room—tuning in to what others need or want. But what if we aimed that superpower within? What if we listened more closely to what our inner community members yearn for, greeting them with care and kindness?
Though we may have been conditioned to think “self-anything” is selfish, true belonging begins within. When we extend that sense of belonging to ourselves, we open the door to richer connections with the world around us.
May you find moments of belonging—both within yourself and in spaces that see and celebrate you—one remothering moment at a time.
From my heart to yours,
Simona
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